Remembering Who You are through Parenting

True Colours Parenting

In parenting, we think we are the ones who give, provide or do whatever we can for our children, don't we? At the same time, we could receive tremendous gifts from them. It is just a matter of if you are willing to see and receive them as gifts.

Let’s say...some people may be currently in a highly stressful job.

Or some of us may have been laid off and are encountering financial turmoil.   

Or you may be in the middle of a dispute with your partner or the process of divorce. Even though you know that fighting or arguing in front of the children is of no benefit to them, you end up doing just that.

Or you do not have family in the same town and you have a partner, but he/she cannot look after him/herself, so you have to practically do everything yourself.

Or you or your partner may have certain health issues. Then you don’t have the time and energy to even look after and care for yourself.

Even in these challenging circumstances, you may not be able to do much for your child, even though you want to, so you may feel you are inadequate.

You blame yourself for not being able to give them what you want for them. You may even feel that your child is blaming you for your inadequacies. Often, the sense of inadequacy comes from you. It appears your child is blaming you. In fact, that is only what you imagine they think of you. An interesting fact is that your child will mimic your self-blame behaviour. When we feel guilty, our children feel they “did something wrong”. Please acknowledge yourself, because you are doing what you can do. So STOP blaming yourself. It does not work if both of you are doing this!

Instead, try to play with your child for at least 10 or 15 minutes for a several times in a day if you can.  I am not saying this for your child. Here I am saying this for YOU.

Playing with children will take you out of all the seriousness that you are facing.

While you are with your child, be curious, vulnerable, non-judgmental, in the moment and playful like a child. There is no “should” or “shouldn’t” in this world. Just be! Just enjoy the moment with them.

This is gifting an opportunity for you to remember who you truly are.

When you take yourself out of the duality of “should” and “shouldn’t”, then you may be able to perceive what you are facing in a different way.

If you are curious, you may ask yourself, “how can I change it?” or “what else is possible here?”

If you are vulnerable, you may ask for help from others or share your experience with others and may then have a more intimate relationship with yourself and others. If you are non-judgmental, you will not blame yourself and feel guilty about yourself and others being inadequate. You may even not consider yourself as being inadequate.

If you are in the moment, you may be aware of everything around you without your own filter.

If you are playful, it becomes easier for you to try a new thing and not be concerned about consequences.

These are amazing gifts that we can receive from children. Have we underestimated our children’s potential capabilities? Have we been so drowned in our own issues, that we did not see these aspects of children?

What is more, children are so happy if we have fun with them. This works for both parties.

What if there are opportunities in parenting for you to remember who we truly are (where we did not make any judgement and were living in the moment).

Receiving gifts from your child means we are giving our gift to them. This interaction occurs at the same time.

Last modified onSunday, 02 April 2017 10:58
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